Clusterfuck

one of those nights where you just sit on tumblr waiting and hoping for an anon to say something to you

weird how i went from being that guy whos always posting about his relationship and gay stuff on tumblr to being just another single lonely person who blogs just to get stuff off my chest. Im ready for the next chapter in my life to start, this one is boring the hell out of me

A lot has really come out between me and someone that I used to have something so great with lately, now I’ve never really been one to talk about whats bothering me to people so i have to resort to venting on tumblr, but i guess I’m just afraid. Afraid that things won’t go back to how they used to be, even if the problem is fixed, afraid that i won’t ever be happy like i was again, afraid that even if things do get fixed then something like this will happen again and i’ll just have to go through this again. My past with relationships has done nothing but fuck me up, i don’t trust easy, i don’t let anyone in, i don’t tell anyone anything, and i sure as hell don’t love easy. Im one of the most emotional/sensitive guys i know, Like i wish i could be more emotionally detached and be one of those assholes that doesn’t give a shit about girls, but thats just not how i am. I hate to become one of those sad people on tumblr that just goes on and on about how sad they are and how their life sucks but this shits hard. Woke up this morning physically sick, i haven’t been eating, and I’m up and six in the morning because i can’t sleep without having dreams that the person i love is in someone else’s arms. I’ve been living 5 hours away from this girl for about 7 or 8 months of our 9 month relationship. After awhile things just start to eat away at you and everything just builds up until you’re just a clusterfuck of emotion. The thing is i’ll be moving back to the same town in 5 days, but just the weekend past is when all this stuff came out and stuff was said that won’t be forgotten. Im not really sure what I’m looking for by letting it all out on here, some advice, some closure, some reassurance, maybe just someone to give a shit. I just kinda feel lost and I’m not sure where to go from here, but i guess thats just how life is. Regardless, I can’t keep doing this. I just wanna be happy.

Thanks for listening tumblr